


Baby Come Home

by LadyCosmos



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCosmos/pseuds/LadyCosmos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lost in memories, unable to tell what's reality and what's not, Allen and Lavi yearn to return home to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> For this fic, I really wanted to play with structure and themes. It'll probably be confusing because this is not a straight forward fic. If you've ever read it, think of "A Rose for Emily". I wanted to create parallels in each section and then play with the idea of memories and reality merging and who's remembering what. 
> 
> So now that warning is out of the way, I wrote this with inspiration from Fall Out Boy - "Jet Pack Blues".  
> Thanks to Kitty-Bandit for listening to me complain and Kanekuinke for being nice enough to put up with me demanding her opinion and betaing.
> 
> I'd love to know what you think. Thanks!

Rain pattered lazily against the window, finding cracks and leaking into the room; a small puddle had formed on the floor during the day.  Unenergetically, Allen leaned over and wiped at the water with an already soaked towel.  The water spread in mockery, searching for lines that lead further into the room.  With a long, slow exhale, Allen lay down on his mattress and watched the rain dance on the glass.

His thoughts drifted as the water collected on the window sill to slowly drip to the floor.  Uninterested eyes watched the water fall, bead, then fall, bead, then fall.  Over and over the water dripped.  The slow rhythm lulled Allen into a hazy trance.

What was happening back home?  Was Lenalee happy?  He hated seeing her cry, the tears collecting in her eyes to fall down her cheeks.  It felt like he was always making her cry – watching her tears fall, collect, then fall.

The wind whistled through the cracks of the window frame, the water drops sputtering briefly; Allen shivered.

He missed his room and his comfortable bed.  He missed waking up to a warm body pressed against him.  Lavi had always been so warm, leaning against Allen, wrapped around Allen.  It was as if his skin held on to the fire he had once surrounded himself in.  He wasn’t doing anything else stupid, was he?  Who would keep him in check now?  Certainly not Bookman.  Maybe Allen should contact him and tell him not to get himself killed before Allen could see him again.

The storm picked up, rain viciously hitting the window as thunder rolled across the city.  His body felt heavy as he watched lightning light up his room, his mind drifting.

His mind felt clouded as the rain pounded against him.  Raincoats certainly weren’t enough to keep anyone dry in this weather.  Maybe when he got back to headquarters Jerry would be extra nice and give him lots of hot food.  Soup, ramen, meat, potatoes.  All fresh and hot from the oven.  Allen could feel his mouth water just thinking about it.

_“Allen?”_

“Lavi?” Allen’s head jerked up, hood falling off as he searched for the source of the voice.  Tincampy flew around his head before nestling in the folds of his jacket.

 _“Hey, Allen!”_ Lavi’s voice was a warmth in Allen’s chest. _“Komui snuck out of his office and now Reever is chasing him down.  Thought I’d chance it and come say hi.”_

Allen groaned as the sounds of screaming and demolition could be heard in the background.  The way Lavi’s voice echoed, Allen was pretty sure he was hiding beneath Komui’s desk, too.

“Lavi…” He sighed as the other boy snickered over the golem.

_“It’s okay.  I’ll be out before they even notice.  But you should have seen how made Reever looked.  Ohh!!!  I wonder what Komui did this time!”_

“That kind of makes me glad not to be there.”

 _“I kinda wish you were, though.”_   Allen closed his eyes as he lifted his face towards the rain.  His chest felt tight. _“Ya know, I can’t seem to finish all the hot chocolate anymore.  I dunno, but I thought it might be because you always drink most of it.”_

Odd.  The rain felt warmer.

“You never liked it that much.  I don’t know why you’re still getting it.”

 _“Yeah, I guess you’re right.  I guess, I just…”_ Lavi’s voice sounded rough.  It made Allen’s throat itch. _“Hey, Allen?”_

“Yes, Lavi?” The storm was beginning to lighten; the rain felt softer.

_“Come home?”_

The water was ice cold as it hit Lavi’s face.  He tried to suck in a breath of air as his lungs rebelled, violent coughs racked his chest as his face rubbed against the wood floor.

“Oi, don’t die on us yet.”

He had trouble focusing on anything; his body ached but felt numb.  Was that the Panda over there?  What was he doing?  Where were they?

“Are you going to tell me what I want to know?  Or do you want to watch your apprentice die?”

_Die?  He was going to die?_

Lavi gasped as he rolled on to his side; pain clouded his senses making reality seem far away, almost like a dream.  Blurry figures swam in his vision making him nauseous.  Noah.  They had been captured.

And here he had been so sure he had just been talking to Allen; the memory was so clear he could still hear Allen’s voice.  Had it been a dream?  No, it couldn’t have been a dream – it had been so real.  A memory?  Was he reliving his memories?  Confusing his memories with reality scared him almost as much as the idea of losing them. 

Pain shot through his stomach and he tasted blood.  He was going to die here, probably.  Would Allen remember him after he was gone?  Did he relive memories as vividly as Lavi?  Mixing them with reality?  Maybe he should ask Allen when they met up that night.  It would be nice to leave Allen with a really nice memory before he died.  Or before Allen left – perhaps his worst nightmare.

“Still not going to talk?”

Talk?  Oh, yeah.  Noah.  Pain.  Death.

Lavi blinked at the shadows above him.  What would it be like to fall into the darkness?  Just forget who he was and float along with nothing holding him down.  It would probably be peaceful.  No more memories, no more history.  No more wars or death.  Would it even matter if he left?  If he was no longer there to record everything?  He’d probably make the wrong choice; doubt himself and cause problems.  It was what he was best at, wasn’t it, Allen?  Causing problems because he couldn’t keep his damn heart out of things.

His skin was on fire.  It hurt so much.  But this was the best choice he could make.

He wished he had time to apologize – to say goodbye.  Lenalee was going to cry; Lavi hated seeing her cry.  Allen would forgive him, probably.  At least he wouldn’t have to see Allen hurt.  At least he wouldn’t hurt Allen anymore.

_“Can’t you hear my voice?!”_

The scream caught in his chest as he jerked awake, the fire extinguishing as his vision cleared.  It had been a dream.  It had only been a dream but still so real.  His skin felt like fire, pulled and taut and ready to break apart.  With shaky hands, he unwrapped the sheets from around his body.  The stone was cold against his feet as he sat on the edge of the bed, still fighting to get his breathing under control.

“Lavi…” His name floated softly through the darkness of the night, caressing him like a prayer.  Carefully, he turned to find Allen staring at him with sleep-glazed eyes.  His heart stuttered briefly before finding a slower rhythm.

“Allen…go back to sleep.” His fingers itched to smooth the hair back from Allen’s face; to watch his eyes flutter shut beneath his touch.  But his skin still felt too hot, too tight and all wrong and not his.

“Lavi, you’re bleeding!” Cool fingers danced gingerly over his back and sides and Lavi finally became aware of flashes of pain when he moved.  He glanced down, surprised to see thin slivers of blood across his body.

“Huh,” was all he could come up with as Allen fussed over him.  Maybe that was why he felt so hot.

“Idiot!  You need to be more careful.  Now you’re going to get yelled at and probably shoved right back into the hospital and I just got you out.”

Minutes passed in silence as Allen cleaned and bandaged Lavi’s wounds.  A tense silence filled the space between them making Lavi afraid of doing something wrong – saying something wrong – and breaking it only to find that what was behind it was worse.  As the moments grew longer, became heavier, Lavi noticed a hitch in Allen’s breath – how his hands trembled slightly.

“Allen?”

“Don’t.” The damp rag pressed against his chest sending streams of bloody water down his stomach.  Lavi shivered and looked away.

“I’m so-“

“I said don’t!” Allen’s voice was soft but sharp.  Lavi could almost hear how he was holding himself together. “I…you almost…and I couldn’t…”

Gently, Lavi pulled the rag from Allen’s hand and tossed it into the basin.  Just as gently, he threaded his fingers through Allen’s hair, pulling him close.

“You did.  I heard your voice.  I heard your voice and I came back, right?” Heedless of Lavi’s unbandaged wounds, Allen lay his head on his partner’s chest, arms wrapped tight around his back.  He watched as the bloody rag sank into the now dark water, his throat tightened as the promise slipped from his lips,  “I’ll always come back if you call me.”

The water turned an ugly shade of red.

Allen scrubbed his face hard, suddenly needing to have every last bit of clown makeup off.  He hated the way the red streaked down his face; it reminded him too much of blood.  Bright red blood on a white cloth as he watched Lavi suffer.

Why did he have to remember that now?  Why did he have to think about Lavi in pain?  Lavi was safe - back at Headquarters - keeping Lenalee happy.  Why did he have to think about that memory now?

Slowly, Allen sank onto his mattress.  His fingers automatically played with the edges of his card deck.  Not a full deck, though; not since…then.  No matter how many decks he bought, he would always find the ace of spades missing; after a few days, he would always find it.  Sometimes tucked into the latest book Lavi was reading, sometimes stashed in his jacket pockets.  Once found beneath Lavi’s pillow.

The cards slid effortlessly through his fingers as he shuffled and cut, shuffled and cut.

This deck still had its ace of spades, though.  Allen had bought it after he left headquarters.  He glanced at the playing card stuck in the mirror frame.

It made the cards heavier.

Allen stared at the overcast sky.  He felt so tired; travel weary and exhausted.  He missed his friends, missed his room, missed Lavi.  More than anything he just wanted everything to be finished so he could return home, return to his friends.  So he could call Lavi back to him once more.

That was the promise that had been made.  That his voice would be enough to bring Lavi to his side.  But somehow, in the silence of an unknown room, Allen felt uneasy asking for what he wanted.  Felt too vulnerable and utterly alone.

If he called now, would Lavi hear him?  Would he come find Allen?  Or would he find someone – something – else?  His stomach felt empty as the cards ran through his fingers.  Thunder rumbled in the distance.

“Lavi,” Allen whispered against the window. “I’m ready to go home.”

Lavi sucked in a painful breath of air.  The world spun as he lay on the floor, fingers spasming in an attempt to hold onto something stable.  Everything was so thick and fuzzy and far away.  He knew something was happening to him, but he felt disconnected from his body; as if his mind had shut itself away.

This…this was probably it, Lavi thought.  All the wars and fighting he had lived through – all the threats and punishments he had taken – this was probably going to be the one we wouldn’t make it out of.  It kinda sucked.  He had hoped to at least go down with a fight; had wanted his death to be somewhat more meaningful than this.

Well, beggars couldn’t be choosers and he’d been pretty bad at begging lately.  Begging to stay with the Order; begging to remain Lavi for just a little longer; begging for more memories of a bright smile.  Maybe God had finally decided he’d had enough. 

It was pretty cruel, however, to have these memories haunt him in his last moments.  That must be his punishment.

He wanted to scream, to cry.  He wanted the chance to make more memories even knowing it would mean leaving one day.  He was willing to give up being Lavi for the chance to create one more memory with Allen.  Was that too selfish?

The world started to fade in and out; the details getting blurrier and further away.

 _Allen_ , Lavi thought regretfully as the world went dark, _I don’t think I’m gonna make it home this time._

Lavi blinked at the thick, rain-heavy clouds above him.  Thunder rumbled in the distance and people scurried down the road to reach shelter before the rain fell.  Sprawled across the back of the bench, Lavi was too exhausted to move.  Beside him, Allen swayed to stay upright.

“It’s going to rain,” Lavi commented seconds before the skies opened.  The rain was thick and cool as it hit Lavi’s face.  His eye closed in tired pleasure as the water coursed through his hair and soaked his clothing.  It felt pure.

Seconds became minutes became hours and still Lavi and Allen sat on the bench, letting the rain soak them thoroughly.  The sky darkened from afternoon to twilight and still, they remained.  Occasionally, Lavi’s knee would bump against Allen’s, or he would feel Allen’s fingers brush against his leg.  Gas lanterns flickered to life as a man trudged down the road, shoulders hunched against the pouring rain to stay dry.  Lavi’s eye stayed on him until he left.  The train whistle sounded in the distance.

“Hey, Allen.” Lavi lightly grasped Allen’s neck, letting his fingers slide through soaked white locks.  His heart sang when Allen leaned into his touch, humming in appreciation and acknowledgement. “Let’s go home.”


End file.
